very tearful morning

This morning Jordan and I went to her new school for her first day. There is no other way to say it but that it was HORRIBLE! We went to play on Friday and her memory is incredible. We turned onto the road that the church is on and she started saying No and crying. I had to carry her in crying the whole way while lugging all the stuff that you need to start school--diapers, wipes, blankets, etc. I tried getting her engaged in something and that didn't work. I finally decided that I wasn't going to be able to ease her into being there and that I needed to cut my losses. It was miserable leaving her and I managed to get my hand on the door to leave her room before I started crying. I knew I would cry, so that was OK, but her crying was just not what I expected. It wasn't just a whiny, whimpery kind of thing. It was full on, red face, tears streaming, not breathing kind of crying--like she was hurt. And I guess she was since I was leaving her in a new place with new people and new stuff. Thankfully I have my new job to help keep my mind occupied, but I wasn't "all there". The Director called me about 15 minutes after I left to tell me that she had settled down. I called about lunchtime and they said she was OK. Not good, not great, just OK.

When I got there to pick her up, they were on the playground playing. I watched for a few seconds through the door to see that she was actually engaged with another friend. When I opened the door to go out there, one of her teachers saw me and told Jordan I was there. There was a slide blocking her view of me, so she couldn't see me and I think that freaked her out because she started crying when she finally saw me! Tears going and tears coming--what's that all about? Check back tomorrow for the latest update...